Mark’s first covenant, regarding the work of love with others, states that we cannot desire to change or force others to grow in our direction, and we can in love create conditions for truth and beauty to grow for them, is true for ourselves as well.  You may remember from reading other posts that I view each of us as a system of modes of operandi, or management skills, ego states, or coping skills.  In our systems we develop ways of handling patterns of interactions with others, as well as ways of handling patterns of interactions between feelings inside us.  For instance, we feel lonely or scared, and in order to deal, many of us develop skills to shame ourselves out of the feeling of being lonely or scared.  Then, perhaps, we handle that shame with getting mad at others and lashing out with our feelings.  Then we feel more shame and shove the (original) lonely or scared feeling deeper, we fight outwardly more, and we shame ourselves and others more.  In a way we have our own little management community inside and most people don’t have a clue that is going on in us (because part of the shame is telling ourselves we are unique and no one else struggles with this issue [smile]).  I describe the above as being in a hamster wheel, and going around and around.  Some of us experience this conundrum 24/7 while others perhaps only periodically.

The way to find healing and growth in this cycle for ourselves is the same that Mark speaks about with others – love and acceptance, validation, and creating an environment of ok-ness (not “reactionary cover-up for the outside world behaviors”).  If we can see in ourselves that we are sad, or afraid, or lonely, and honor that, validate, and accept that, then we are creating a condition by which that which is true, can be ok.  When it is ok, we can meet that need – change the energy, call someone, write about it, etc.  When we are able to honor the feeling, we can grow and blossom.  These deep, real feelings that we try to: repress, avoid, deny, compartmentalize, project, or shame are as honorable as those feelings that we want others to see, or the world to approve, or which we want to hide behind.  When we hide them then we never can get to our deepest nature.  (And,) when we don’t allow ourselves to live in our own beauty and deepest nature, we can never really see others (or let others see us) through the covenants of love about which Mark speaks.

So, in many ways, the work of love that we desire to grow in having with others begins with that same care for ourselves.  May it be said, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin (in) me.”…smile.

If you need a reminder of his post, it is included here:

Three Covenants

Our love needs to be bigger than our insanity.
—Henk Brandt

There are three covenants that keep us engaged in the work of love. To begin with, when we see something true and beautiful in someone, it is not the work of love to change them or force their growth in our direction. It is the work of love to create conditions by which what is true and beautiful in all we behold can grow and blossom, bringing forth its deepest nature. At the same time, the work of love depends on giving others, especially young people, a sense of safety in the world, nurturing their confidence to lean into life and the unknown—not away from these eternal resources. Still, being human, we constantly slip from integrating our experience to being consumed by our experience. We move, almost daily, from having our fear, pain, and worry live in us to living within our fear, pain, and worry. So the third covenant of love is to keep each other company when we’re drowning in our experience and awash in our feelings, until it all can right-size, until our experience and feelings can once again live in us. These covenants exercise the muscle of compassion we call the heart.

—excerpt from Seven Thousand Ways to Listen, forthcoming from Simon & Schuster, October 2012

Three Covenants

Our love needs to be bigger than our insanity. —Henk Brandt

There are three covenants that keep us engaged in the work of love. To begin with, when we see something true and beautiful in someone, it is not the work of love to change them or force their growth in our direction. It is the work of love to create conditions by which what is true and beautiful in all we behold can grow and blossom, bringing forth its deepest nature.  At the same time, the work of love depends on giving others, especially young people, a sense of safety in the world, nurturing their confidence to lean into life and the unknown—not away from these eternal resources. Still, being human, we constantly slip from integrating our experience to being consumed by our experience. We move, almost daily, from having our fear, pain, and worry live in us to living within our fear, pain, and worry. So the third covenant of love is to keep each other company when we’re drowning in our experience and awash in our feelings, until it all can right-size, until our experience and feelings can once again live in us. These covenants exercise the muscle of compassion we call the heart.

—excerpt from Seven Thousand Ways to Listen, forthcoming from Simon & Schuster, October 2012

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I walked into the old dining room, the guys were gutting the whole house.  They were down to the floral wallpaper.

“Stop, wait, please, give me a moment.”  I pleaded, against no opposition.

In that moment the room was transformed.  I sat at the claw-footed table with the worn, cream, plastic tablecloth with blue and red florets. Little Joe was in his high chair, Claire next to me, and Gran and Gramps were in their own world, waltzing to Les Paul and Mary Ford’s, Vaya Con Dios playing on the old console record player.  We loved to watch them dance.  Saturday nights were wonderful.

I turned before they saw my eyes, “Go ahead, tear down the wall.”

Light Beyond The Clouds

Beyond the clouds is another cloud

Piling in height and depths

Darkness lingers

Layered with lingering darkness

Clouds beyond with streaming lines

Like those of a musical staff

Behind that, light fluffy clouds

Tainting the purity of pure blue sky

And beyond that there is light

There is always light

Even in the depths and the layers

There is always light

Light may not shine through, but it is known

It is known in the intricate darkness and contained fluids of the puffy dark clouds

It is known in the wispy layers

Light shines through

When the clouds have reached the peak of fullness and they empty

Flowing rain upon the land

Newness nurtured

Clouds become lighter

Restoring softness

Shape changing and movement their journey

Disappearing at times to see pure light

And the blue of reflections

There is always light

Light shines through

Light is known

Even in the darkest of clouds

This weeks prompt was a beautiful picture of moss and a drip…and this is what I wrote:

Spelunking

“What the hell?  Were you trying to kill me?  My clothes are goners, I’m never going to get this dirt out.  Look at my knees, my arms, they’re all ripped open.  What the hell was the purpose of that?  I hate you.  I hate this place.”

I sat with Joe, quietly.  We just emerged from the cave, pretty cut up, our clothes pretty nasty, but it was good.  I knew the cave, done this for almost eight years now, taken kids into this cave to push them, it works so often.  Joe’s pretty “pushed” right now.  Just going to hang out with him before we head back to the juvi.

We hung on the rocks for a while. “Hey, Steve, check out that mini-waterfall…it’s kinda cool to watch that drip.”

“Yeah, Joe, it is pretty cool, isn’t it.”

Nature has a way of breaking through.

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I received an iPad as a gift several months ago and although I have not been a MAC user, I love my iPad.  I take it everywhere.  I can write and do re-writes of manuscripts, send it through iCloud and work on the same document a few minutes later on my PC.  When thinking about “favorite things”, I thought I would share a few of my favorite apps, because right now, they are a few of my favorite things.  Here goes:

Ustream is a free app that streams events all over the world in over 10 different categories: news, pets & animals, entertainment, sports, music, gaming, education, events, 24/7, and technology.  My favorite streams to watch are the live cams (live cameras) on animals – most of them of birds with their eggs and hatchlings.  You may remember that I recently blogged about the Great Blue Herons in Ithaca, NY through Cornell University.  It is mesmerizing, you could watch the live cams all day long…  There is something awesome to think that you are sharing in the occasion of birth, life, struggles, etc. energetically, and visually.  Check out the live cames of eagles, owls, hummingbirds, falcons, heron, whales, bears, even cats and dogs.

livestream is a similar app that hosts the Cornell hawks and herons.  On livestream there is also a live cam of a hawk in NYC.  It is so amazing to see the differences in the hawks energies between the one in NYC and the one in Ithaca, NY.  Sometimes it is hard to watch, actually.  The other day the hawk in Central Park brought in two mice, live, and fed them to the hatchlings as I watched…hmmm…hard to watch, and yet reality…certainly a different perspective on life.

TED is an app or a site with “riveting talks, by remarkable people, free to the world”.  Their byline is: Ideas Worth Spreading.  I also recently shared a TED Talk featuring Billy Collins, 2-time, US Poet Laureate with his poetry brought to visual life through animation and the Sundance Channel.  There is a really neat feature about TED Talks that I want to share with you – you can fill out this quick little survey, such as category, amount of time available to watch and it will bring forth TED Talks just for you.

THF Haiku (The Haiku Foundation) – I love this app.  Throughout the day, when I have a moment, or need some inspiration I view this app.  There is a random button that allows you to view one haiku at a time…so much fun to ponder, learn from, and find stimulation through – you have to check out this app.

Pottery HD – virtual pottery, how fun is that?  In this app you are the potter with a virtual wheel, at the completion of your piece, you fire, paint, decorate, photograph, and sell it at an auction.  Virtual people place orders for your pieces giving you the challenge of specific designs.  I understand there is an entire online community with competitions, galleries, and such.

Virtual Active – is one of my favorite apps.  I ride my exercise bike and travel through northern Italy, through the mountains, along canals, on the beach, and through small towns all across the country.  This app is so cool because the video only runs when it feels the vibration of the bike, and proceeds according to my speed.  There are 10-60 minute trips for each portal.  I think there are about 6-8 other ports of regions of the US, and Switzerland.  Travelling throughout Italy certainly makes exercising fun.

…and these are a few of my favorite things…

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Walk Across America

Hi, Mom.  It’s me.  I can’t believe today is the day.  It is hard to imagine that after eight months of training, today is the day.  Turning back?  You want to know if I’m going to bag it now?  Are you freaking crazy?  Am I scared?  Hell, yeah, wouldn’t you be?   Am I going to call?  Mom, I didn’t even freaking leave yet. I know, Mom, this is hard on you.  Please Mom, please, I am going to be ok.  I love you, Mom. I’ll call you soon. Bye.

 Here goes, through the tunnel, one footstep at a time, until I get home.  Why would she understand, she never left her Long Island neighborhood.

]]> http://integrativethought.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/100-words-flash-friday-fictioneers/feed/ 41 integrativethought van-winkle-tunnel http://integrativethought.wordpress.com/2012/04/10/billy-collins-animated-poetry/ http://integrativethought.wordpress.com/2012/04/10/billy-collins-animated-poetry/#comments Tue, 10 Apr 2012 18:29:45 +0000 Kris Kennedy http://integrativethought.wordpress.com/?p=1827 ]]> I came across Billy Collins, a 2-time U.S. Poet Laureate who in conjunction with the Sundance Channel brought his poetry to animated film.  What a cool concept.  It was fun to watch the videos, but even more so, it was awesome to see how the animation complimented his poetry versus the other way around.  This presentation on a TED Talk is about 15-minutes long.  If you have a chance and an interest, I would highly recommend you watch the video.  I hope in some way whether you write poetry or not, you will find creative inspiration in projects in your life, your work, or even in your relationships with your family and children.  I have also included Collin’s poem: Forgetfulness which is featured in the first animation.  Enjoy.

Forgetfulness

"Mother Earth" by Ballance from Vancouver Island, Canada
One of my favorite paintings.

I have been working on writing different types of poetry now for years.  At the end of last year, I wrote this “alphabet poem” about self care.  Included in this poem are the foci of what I believe and share about self care.  I hope you enjoy!

The Alphabet of Self Care

Accept all of you – you will teach others how to do the same

Breathe – it expands your consciousness and awareness

Crying is cleansing – don’t let anyone tell you differently

Deliberately live – choices are in every experience

Experience life – it is going to happen anyways

Filters protect – but listening without them reaps better connections

Gift yourself with the journey – it is worth it

Honoring self is a gift to you, others, and the world

Intuition and intellect go hand in hand – you have both, honor that in you

Journey into the above and below – you can’t know you without knowing all truth

Kindness with others is easier – how about kindness with self

Laugh when you are able – it does more than feel good

Moment by moment is always a new beginning

No good, bad, right, or wrong – judgment leads to shame – shame keeps you stuck

Overflow grace to self – self criticism serves no purpose

Practice patience – patiently practice

Quietly listen – the heart will speak

Rest – nothing to fear…and it brings rejuvenation

Singing brings a new vibration to the soul

Treat yourself as if you have all the time in the world for you

Upstream doesn’t get you there

Validate and honor actions – there is always a reason

Worth is a man-made concept – accept that you are worth it and move on

Xenial – be hospitable to self as you would a stranger

You, you, you  – it is all about you

Zero in on the things that are important to you – so much time is wasted on what we think is expected

©Kristin Kennedy, 2011

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A crusty marshmallow!  That’s what he was.  Look at his property.  “A man’s heart is known by his possessions,” those were his words, not mine.

He was a man of few words – really few anything.  He used to scare the daylights out of me.  One day when I was a kid, my brother dared me to climb on “the old man’s” tractor. (He was really Grandpa Joe to us, but everyone, including us called him Old Man.) 

So, yeah, he caught me on his tractor.  I was about seven, I think.  I heard this shrieking whistle.  I looked up and there stood the Old Man, cigar in mouth, leaning up against the fence post.  I knew that flick of his head. Time couldn’t go slow enough. I climbed down and began that torturous trek to meet him.  He never moved, except to take that periodic puff.  Not sure why I was so damn scared. I got to him and looked up.  He gave me that look, shook his head a time or two, and pushed me aside with that final dismissing brush of his jaw-never a word said, but I knew.

The Old Man’s gone now.   I’m left with his possessions.  Somehow it is ok, ’cause I got a piece of that crusty marshmallow’s heart.