I don’t know if you are like me, but as intentional or unintentional as it is, I usually have a list of “should’s” dangling like a carrot in front of me. I should vacuum the floor. I should write that thank you note. I should call that person. I should go and exercise. I should have another glass of water. I should know what I am going to be when I grow up.
But if we are honest, what are “should’s”? They are just self-shaming patterns. They keep us “less than”. They keep us from the freedom of being ok being who we are, right now, in all of our circumstances. The “should’s” are not about other people’s issues with us, the “should’s” are ours.
Like relationships, I dance with the “should’s”…I will make better choices. I will stop doing this/that. But what I know to be true is that if I only change the behavior, I am sure to go back to the pattern in time. I really can’t stop the dance until I am able to honor what I am doing in the moment, what I need, what I want, or what feels good for me…and walk into honoring my self.
So what does honoring look like? Being able to say, “I am ok with allowing myself to sit in my feelings.” “I am ok if there are dustballs on the floor today.” “I am ok if right now I don’t have a clue what I want to be when I grow up.” I think it is when we begin to honor self and stay present with that, that we have choices and can make choices. In doing so, I believe it is there that the “should” patterns begin to fall away.
Just a little mental banter (give and take in the thought process) today.