In our fast paced lives, sometimes I think we move too quickly, and miss the complete experience around knowing and growing. Well, wasn’t that an elusive beginning? Let me back up. I think we go through these experiences, learning experiences, teaching moments in our lives, and as soon we get an ah-ha moment or an insight, or a level of greater understanding in our lives, I think we see it as a “I mastered that” moment and we move onto the next sought after ah-ha moment. There is so much that we miss though…or we move into more roadblocks or complications…which breeds frustration, “woe is me”, “never-can-get-out-from-under-it” feelings. I don’t think these experiences are part of the “next experience”, I think these feelings/experiences are part of the echo of the original teaching moment.
I recently interacted with a friend and was sad about something that was going on in our interactions. I dealt with the sadness, I thought. I muddled it over, experienced all of the feelings around the circumstance, and I thought I understood more about me, the feelings, and my interactions with her. (In other words – inside, I thought I arrived…mastered it.) In the days that followed I found myself sad, confused, disappointed in my feelings and reactions with other people around me and different circumstances… and I found myself feeling stuck in the sadness. I became very introspective and blew the issue (in my head) out of proportion.
I think when I looked at it from a third-party perspective; I never allowed the flow, the completeness, the aftermath or “echo” of the experience to have its place in the process. Just as in life, I think the experiences in our lives have a flow, ripple, wave; for those who are analytical, a bell-curve…a downside to the ah-ha moment. I wanted to quickly say I mastered the sadness and move on…but not giving myself the time and space to be ok in the sadness, my next experiences were confounded.
Once again I am reminded that it is not about arrival or mastery-and-move-on, but by being present with feelings, allowing, and living in the grace that all feelings are ok to experience (all the way through). I hope you live and rest in grace today. Let whatever feelings are there be ok today, and give yourself whatever you need to be ok with the process.