Ego-Honored Creativity

DSC01927Are you feeling alive to new creativity?  Enthused with the new year of new beginnings, opportunities?  Are you gracing yourself with time and opportunity to dabble, create, have fun, try new things?  We are a few weeks into renewed enthusiasm; how is it working for you?

I am hearing from some that they are experiencing a block, their interest is there, their desire is there, and when they sit down to write, draw, create – everything goes blank.  Someone else recently shared that she has this dangling desire but she doesn’t know what to do – she doesn’t know where to begin.  One other person said, (like I deal with so often, as well) that she battles the perfection issue and therefore does nothing.

Oh, blessed ego.  I have no intentions to exposit on ego, to dis it, or to tell you to thwart it, or rid of it.  In fact, I think the opposite is true.  Let me explain.

We know the ego is not the innovator in our lives.  It governs the safe aspects of us.  It needs validation, approval, rightness.  Our ego dares not to be ok, just ok, it wants brilliancy.  So many veins of thought lead us into the practice of getting rid of ego’s power for the good of the commonality of humanity, for the practice of oneness, for the betterment of our souls.  Do you ever find though, that when you move in to “work” on things, or attempt to override the ego, there is more failure sometimes, and a greater ego-battle?

Instead of trying to lessen or get rid of the ego’s influence or domination, maybe we should embrace it.  Move into it, acknowledge its purpose, appreciate how it has helped, protected, kept us safe throughout the years.  In fact, perhaps we should take a different approach with our own self care in acknowledging the ego as brilliant.  Hmmm.  Brilliant.  Yes, brilliant to help with resiliency, management of experiences, (t)raumas in our lives, (T)raumas (if there were those), and relationships.  Our egos protect us from hurtful words, interactions, and patterns.  Our esteem is our management of our self in this world protected by our ego.  Our view of our self-worth or value is not just based on external influences, it is based on our egos protection of our self in relationship.  Protectively we position ourselves better than in some situations, worse than, in others, over powering at times, victim-like at times, but we don’t do that because it is fun, or we have time on our hands.  Our ego brilliantly protects us in relationship to the world.

Homeostasis.  Balance.  Acceptance.  Validation.  Normalization.  No matter what we are experiencing in our lives, these words are the intentions, as is true with creativity, our ego, and its role in protecting us.  So when we look at being free and balanced in our energies, and when we desire to allow our creativity to flow, it is good to bring acceptance and appreciation for the role of protectiveness of the ego so that homeostasis frees up our creativity.

I recently have been working through Julia Cameron’s, Sound of Paper, and in one of her contemplations, she spoke about an “ego-free art” experience.  I dabbled with that in the context of living with acceptance, and thought the way we can move towards an ego-free art experience is to accept the brilliancy of the ego.  When we are able to be ok being ok, then we are able to open up and stand in the power of our creative nature, giving that freedom as well – freedom from judgment, externally or internally, freedom from perfection, freedom from should’s.

I continue to be blessed, mightily by those who live in these freedoms in their writing, creativity, art, journaling, and who model these freedoms by sharing with the world.  If you are being strangled by the need for perfection or the feelings of “I am not an artist”, or “I can’t write”, perhaps you can take something from these thoughts and integrate them into your life . . . and then perhaps you will bless the world with your creativity.  So too, I dabbled in my ego free art zone where I acknowledged the brilliancy of my ego so that I could dare to create . . . and when I dared to create, yes, the ego took some pleasure in the creation when she was invited in – smile.)

(Special thanks to an artist lesson on YouTube of which I integrated their ideas into a project for the sake of learning.)


Go In


Go In


look beyond the knowings of your mind

go in

look at the ancient, timeless truths

drawn on the walls of your soul

don’t let darkness shroud your knowing

go in

it is there that the eyes of your soul will adjust

sit, listen, wait

for the walls will speak

of stories, truths that transcend

man’s need, attempt to control truth


the energies of endless time

generations, lives, civilizations before you

ripples of knowing

as endless as the drops in the ocean

don’t move

let the vibrations of knowing move in you

let it pulse that you may become one

with every reverberation

now move

touch, taste, feel, see

explore the remnants

the artifacts, the truths

touch the stones of sacredness

the voluptuous beauty of her power

left for your knowing

stories inscribed in stains

uncorrupted by the feebleness of man’s tainting

now bathe

bathe in truth

cleansing the lies, beliefs

and crustings of pain

yours, of the times, and lifetimes

adorn, now

the fragrance of all that you are

clothe yourself in the power and majesty

of grace, light, love

but don’t stop there

take the hand of the person next to you

dance for them

celebrate you that they may see

the eternal being that you are

take them to the entrance of their soul

hold the door, invite them to go in

embrace them with hope and courage

invite them to learn the sacredness of who they are

that they too might dance

lastly, resume

delight in you, eternal you

yes, you


© Kristin Kennedy, 2012


Enter The Sanctuary

English: Narthex of the church Notre-Dame de l...

Are you familiar with the term narthex? When I was growing up I went to a church and they called the place outside the place you worshiped the narthex. It was the place where everyone talked before and after church. Out of curiosity, I looked up the word in the dictionary and learned that the word narthex was Latin from Medieval Greek, and meant “porch at the end of the early church which was used by penitents not admitted to the body of the church.” I knew it as the place where all the talking happened.

To me, it looked like the narthex was the place to hang out and catch up on the gossip of the community.  It was the place to be. Unlike being in the narthex, going into the sanctuary was hard because you had to be quiet there, you were supposed to sit still, and you were supposed to focus (often on things you really didn’t understand). Sometimes it seems like people would talk in the narthex, interrupt there talking to go into the sanctuary to worship, and then resume their talking in the narthex. Isn’t that how it is in our lives, so often?

Many of us are on a journey of self.  That journey takes many forms spiritually, and to each of us, that journey is different, and yet the same.  We all need to enter the sanctuary of our hearts – that place of quiet, solitude, seeking, grappling, wrestling, rebelling, learning to know, and knowing.  That sanctuary can be anywhere, walking in the woods, driving, in your bedroom, in a formal building, your sacred place, your favorite cozy chair – anywhere, because the sanctuary is in you.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes the hardest place to go is into the sanctuary.  It is so much easier to stand in the narthex and pour out your heart, get the advice of this person, because you know she has gone through something similar to you.  Then you run to catch another person (in the narthex) to chat, then pour out your heart, and get her input.  Need I go on?

Let me tell you about people in the narthex.

  • First of all, they are in the narthex, so that should give you a hint.
  • Secondly, most people in the narthex like to hear your story because it in a way is gossip, a little juice about you and      your adequacies/inadequacies.
  • Thirdly, once they hear, the tendency of many is to start the comparison process inside while you are speaking.  It may go something like this, [Isn’t that something!  Well at least my son didn’t do that.  What kind of mother would let her son do that?]  Then it might go on to this, [Wait until I tell Myrtle, I have to call her and tell her what is going on.]  Then this, [I have to say something supportive. I have to try to help her see it the right way.  Won’t it feel good if my advice works.  That will      make me feel good.  At least saying      it makes me feel like I am better than her because my son didn’t do that, and I am giving her advice.]   Then her words might follow, “I am so sorry.  I will pray for you.  Maybe you should…  Your son, how can he be so ungrateful?  You need to…”  So much goes on in our heads before words of “care” come forth when we are the listener in the narthex.

Somehow, so often the narthex interaction “feels” better.  It feels good to be heard.  It feels good to compare.  It feels good to get advice.  But the truth is we meet our knowing in the sanctuary.  We have all truth and knowing and it is there in the sanctuary of our own knowing, our own heart.  Go in, enter, be present with yourself; meet God there.  Return to simplicity, to rest, to your feelings.  Be present with your emotions: grief, sadness, bitterness, jealousy, delights, joys.  Sit quietly in the confusion, the uncertainties, the fears.  Keep it simple.  Cry out.  Marvel.  Be present.  Observe.  Going into the sanctuary takes time, purpose, seeking, being present.  It is not an intellectual task (I certainly would like to make it that at times).  It does take willingness to go and to be present.

Note about the narthex:  It is certainly ok to find one another in the narthex, but as we all grow to be more comfortable in the sanctuary, the narthex experience changes, becomes more grand, rich, genuine – because when we can be present with ourselves then we are so much more easily present with others.  Just saying…

Intuition – Part 2

I used to think of intuition as that ah-ha moment, that gut feeling, that moment when I get a “supernatural” knowing, but I don’t think of intuition only in that context anymore.  When I talk now about intuition I’m not talking about that occasional “hit” or ah-ha moment, or that occasional gut feeling of knowing, I am talking about living moment by moment, or life-living-knowing. I’m talking about the flow of energy, knowing.  From an energy perspective, intuition is that flow of vibrational frequencies that are coming to us all the time, coming in, sourcing us with knowing.  We are connected through energy, frequencies, in a greater, universal way.  It is this continual connectedness to knowing, that we don’t trust or have cut off and have learned to not trust – feeling more in control or safer staying in our intellect.  Intuition, I think, is living, trusting, and believing that knowing – that constant knowing.

The concept of intuition has such varying perspectives and beliefs, some of which perhaps are so limiting at times, that I wanted to think-out-loud with you about them in this post.  One of those beliefs is that, intuition is an occasional thing, a hit, as I mentioned before.  I think intuition is more than that moment, I see it more as a flow. A second thing is that it comes to us, and I think it is always there for us, it is in us, we are always connected to a greater, more powerful knowing. I think we block it.

Recently, I talked to a cable/internet service electrician about my internet being so weak up in my bedroom.  He said the reason it is weak is that it is the farthest distance away from the modem, but more so, the cause is that I have recessed lighting in my kitchen (which is below my bedroom).  I thought that was kind of funny.  He continued to explain that the frequencies from the lighting in the ceiling and the types of lights that they are, are confounding the signals and frequencies from the modem/internet getting to my bedroom.  Hmmm.  We talked about the possibilities that a booster or an extender (evidently they are two different things) might strengthen the signals and help to intercede with the problem.

In thinking about his explanation of the frequency issues with the lights, I thought in a way, that really is what happens with intuition as well. Intuition is that universal frequency, God frequency, Holy Spirit, Divine energy coming in and always being there and always having connection, source, knowledge at our avail – and yet so many things have gotten in the way of that connection.

Recess lighting, in the analogy, might be our attachment styles.  How we learn to trust people.  How we learn to trust ourselves with people.  How we learn to trust our environment.  How we learn to trust God. Furthering the complexity of frequencies, are our defense mechanisms, coping styles, ego states – all ways we learned/developed through relationships, attachments or lack of, (t)raumas [i.e. a child skinning his knee], (T)raumas [i.e. auto accident].  All of these carry different frequencies of energy (protective, combative, based in emotions, etc.) and they stand in the way of our connectedness to our intuition, our soul knowing – that connectedness to our higher Frequency.

Additionally I think as I mentioned before, perhaps our belief systems become other recessed lights; our culture; the times; the circumstances of our times; the things we listen to, the things we buy into, our dogma, all of those things…the cultural perception of us;  our weight and height, our race, gender, beliefs, all of those things are the recessed lights that get in the way of our being receptive, not even being receptive, but having that frequency come in and be strong in us and through us, and in our being.

So when we start to realize there are all of these recessed lights; some we can change, some we can disconnect their power, some we can move or relocate, others we can put filters on so that they don’t directly affect the frequencies/flows that are coming in to us and through us.  The connectedness we have to knowing is our intuition.  It is not that intuition is a hit, but that given all of the interference, it comes to us as that ah-ha moment, like it is unique or supernatural, like it is something we have to wait for and capture with the chance of missing it.  I think it is always there, at our avail. Our beings have learned to block it or disregard it out of protection or learned management in the world, but it is there.

I agree at times we get surges, those blatant knowing experiences.  They are there, they, I think will always protectively be there for our good.  More so than the surges is our coming to honor or soul – honor our intuition.  How do we continue to recognize, normalize, validate, and learn to work with the recessed lights that are blocking us from the frequencies that are there for us?

Another way I described this concept of the avail of our intuition to someone one time was to say, we have all of these filters and we have to take and move as many filters as we can so that the frequencies can stay strong and pure.  Perhaps the filters would be better understood as shields.  And all of the things I talked about attachment styles, dogmas, emotions, relationships, experiences, trauma, all of those things are the shields that we use…and use is a good word, that we use to keep us from the purity of the frequency coming through.  Because if we all really tapped into that frequency that is there for us, that is scary, unknown, powerful.

I think we do have those capabilities of being powerful, not in an authoritative way, not in a powerful way we know, but in a knowing way, powerful in our intuition in combination with our intellect, powerful in our energetic being, powerful in our really comprehending the circumstances of our universe, our community, our relationships, knowing what it feels like when I have judgment on others, knowing what that judgment feels like as the recipient, knowing what it feels like when I have anger or war feelings, knowing – knowing from a heart knowing, an intuitive knowing, that what  I do unto others, I know what it feels like.  That is the intuition about which I am talking.

That is the analogy perhaps that I wanted to share.  I know that there are some who really say “yes” that is intuition, and there are some others that are in that wonderment stage.  I think we can all grapple with this.  I love the dialogue that has come forth in the comments from my previous blog and I continue to invite those comments, thoughts, contemplations, and grapplings, because it is in that, that we are all moving towards either moving the shields or relocating the recessed lights or taking the power out of them so that we don’t have the confounding frequencies.  We have the avail of the Highest Frequencies all of the time, it is that which I think is intuition.  Thought to integrate: perhaps if you are experiencing low signals, you might want to check your recessed lighting – smile.


Intuition.  Admittedly for a very long time I was afraid of this word or concept.  Perhaps I was taught to not give it regard because it was considered “supernatural”.  Perhaps you are snickering because I am even admitting this truth.  I am doing so, though, because I think there are many who are still afraid of giving authority or respect in our inner beings to the role of our intuition.  For those of you who have always lived knowing, following, and trusting your intuition, this post might not be a post for you, but for others of you, who perhaps have had an experience like mine, you might find it thought-provoking.  Enough preface.

According to Wikipedia, intuition is derived from the Latin word, intueri, and is translated as “to look inside” or “to contemplate”.  Many know the term intuition as “to follow your gut”.  In the last several centuries, I think there has been a significant chasm between those who live and take for granted, following intuition, and those who have been cautioned away from “following your gut” to follow their obtained knowing, their intellect, or a particular dogma.  Research however, continues to bring validity to the fact that it is in our gut where the bed of our emotions lie.  It is in our gut where our knowing lies.  It is in our gut where our intellect is governed.  This concept is not new, but perhaps cautioned away from as a sense of control and/or fear in some cultures.  In our culture, for many of us, the development of intuition, is something that has to be “re-evolved”  – it is and has always been there, but it is a training or re-training to allow the freedom of knowing, and living in trust of that knowing.

You may remember in the past I have written about “the three questions” – What do I want?  What do I need?  What feels good for me?  Asking those questions invites us back to honoring our intuition and integrating our intuition with our intellect for the care of our soul.  These questions open the door to respecting our soul.  As we listen and follow these “knowings”, then we are able to have boundaries, invite in truths about ourselves, hear them/believe them, and at the same time, we invite others to respect us as we respect ourselves.   We really can’t have honor for others, if we don’t allow the honor for ourselves first.  If we don’t have honor for ourselves first, we don’t know how to truly honor others.  Honor to others then becomes a game of “What is in it for me?”  Subtly and subconsciously so often we ask, “How is helping, or being kind, or loving that person going to really help me?”  Let’s face it so many of us long for that “good job”, “at-a-girl/boy”, “you are wonderful”.  Please don’t hear me say these are wrong desires.  I think where we err though, out of fear of believing who we truly are, is in putting all of our hope eggs in the basket of how we think others or the world sees us.  Sometimes we get caught in the trap of thinking that our value comes from others’ beliefs about us and their interactions with us, setting ourselves up for hurt, shame, less power, less self-worth.  Ultimately then we end up trying to master our self-worth in our head, our intellect – “our self talk”.  We then try to “speak” into our value – make ourselves “feel good” at the same time we ambivalently tell ourselves we shouldn’t want to feel good.  In other words, our protectiveness of our defense mechanisms or ego states function in protection of our own fear – not being able to trust and believe who we truly are.

More thoughts to follow, but for now, I hope you continue to ask those questions of yourself, honor them, . . . and begin to invite your intuition into the equation called your life.

Enjoy = In-Joy

Are you enjoying you?  Are you enjoying what you are doing?  Are you enjoying life?  The word enjoy means to give joy to; to find pleasure in, and to have use or benefit from/of.  So many of us do things because we think it is expected of us, because “we have to”, because we think it is “all that we know to do” rather than because of enjoyment.

If we are energetic beings, and all our physical, emotional, mental, and interactive energies are always about seeking homeostasis or balance, then when we are doing things out of habit, obligation, duty, fear of change, or because we think it is going to make others happy, than we throw our energies out of balance – causing our system to create counter-balances.  Let me explain with an example.

We get up every day and go to a job that we are burned out in and we dread.  We feel trapped in our circumstances.  We don’t like our boss or we have a co-worker who bothers us.  Our circumstances set off many different “systems” inside: stress increases – hormones imbalance; adrenals, liver, and thyroid overload or shut down; acidity/alkalinity levels imbalance affecting digestion, absorption of nutrients, and elimination; quality nourishment changes because we grab on-the-go foods with little nutritional value; sleep habits get interrupted, emotions vacillate between depression, anger, jealousy, shame, despair; mentally we dull because our efforts are put towards balancing stress through “survival”.  Because we seek homeostasis, we will ourselves to over-ride all of the just-mentioned, adding to the stress, and self-deprecation trying to re-balance the system, but stress doesn’t balance stress, so eventually our body responds with dis-ease.  Disease is a way of our body saying “it is too much”, it is a forced attempt at homeostasis, a wake-up call – a shout out to your system to restore enjoyment.

Thank goodness for us being homeostatic beings.  One of my mentors always says enjoyment means being in joy, and if we are not in joy, then we need to stop what we are doing and get back to being in-joy.  Joy is balance.  Joy is what creates an environment of healthier homeostasis in our beings.

One last integrative thought: when we are interacting, serving, giving, or ministering to others through efforts, obligation, duty, than what we are giving them is more stress and our efforts – efforts which are usually tainted with either strong or subtle imposing emotions (shame guilt, frustration, disappointment, resentment), and negative energy.  We know when others feel those emotions or energies from us being imposed on them, than their “homeostatic desiring systems” usually respond with defensiveness, walled-off-boundaries, lack of appreciation, and hurt . . . and we think we are acting in love and we are hiding our feelings from others (fooling them).  We aren’t fooled, why would we think others are.  Bottom line: if we are not enjoying life than others around us are not going to find joy either.

Balancing Emotions

Emotions.  Gifts of the heart.  The heart’s full expression.  All emotions are gifts.  Is this how you view emotions?  I know in myself and in working with others, so often we view the “negative emotions” as bad or wrong, and the “positive emotions” as things to strive towards.  “Stop your anger.”  “Jealousy is wrong.”  “I’ll give you something to cry about.”  “Don’t be afraid.”  Did you ever receive these words?  Or say them?  Or, “Why aren’t you happy?” (As if sad is not ok.)  Emotions, the truth is, are ours to behold; everyone one of them.  We could not be conscious thinking human beings without the spectrum of emotions in our lives.  Emotions are our heart.  It is our mind and the recording of experiences that has deemed emotions as wrong.

What might be wrong is how we try to avoid them, deny them, or circumvent them, instead of trying to embrace them.  What might be wrong is how we learn to manage them because of our perception that they themselves are wrong.  Our way of managing them may be wrong, but denying them and seeing them as wrong, is like trying to shut off a part of our hearts, locking the door, throwing away the key, and saying, “There is not even a room there; what room?”

I was speaking with someone the other day, and we were along in this discussion about all emotions are God-given, gifts, and a part of our heart.  The discussion led to:  1. The reality that once we accept our emotions, so often, we then continue in the flip-flopping reactivity in ourselves with the emotions, and 2.  How do we manage this reality.  What came forth was this illustration and I thought I would share it with you.

We react in our beings and then we counter-react, and then counter-react, on and on.  For example, we might have a fear of not being good enough, then inside us, as a response to that fear, we work extra hard trying to boost our own pride, then when we think we have over achieved and are better than, or when someone “knocks us down” or competes, we then become more aggressive.  So we flip-flop, back and forth, inside ourselves, with these emotions, in order to try to “look ok” to the rest of the world, while we are in a constant state of flux and stress inside trying to maintain the image and some sense of balance.  There are much better ways of professionally or technically presenting this concept, however, bringing it into such rawness, may make a little more connection.

Our beings do want balance.  Unfortunately though, often times balance comes with extreme, counter-balancing extreme.  Our desire would be to best acknowledge all of the feelings/emotions and ways of expression without judgment minimizing the extreme fluctuations.  If you are familiar with tri-corner hats, or tricornes as they are known, they have three corners.  (I learned in researching them that the purpose of wearing a three-cornered hat was to channel rain-water away from the body.)  To make the illustration now, the tricorne was to be worn balanced flatly on top of the head so that all three corners were balanced.  Our emotions are like the three corners, if they can be in balance, with respect, acknowledgement, and without judgment, then the hat will sit flatly on the top of the head.  The hat was not meant to be worn tilted or lopsided because then it’s purpose would not be effective; as is true with our emotions.  When one emotion becomes too much out of balance or is perceived that way inside, then the drastic counter-balancing occurs.

The moral of the story is that when you find your emotions flip-flopping and reactionary to each other, then remember the tricorne and its purposes for being balanced – so that the rainwater is channeled away from the body (much like our emotions – accepted, acknowledged, and without radical judgment.)

In honor of my German teacher in high school, let me leave you with this song I remember and can actually sing:

Mein Hut, der hat drei Ecken,
Drei Ecken hat mein Hut.
Und hätt’ er nicht drei Ecken,
So wär’s auch nicht mein Hut.

My hat, it has three corners,
Three corners has my hat,
And had it not three corners,
It would not be my hat.